You thought summer "vacation" was hard? Try back-to-school season!
- Karly Bannister
- 32 minutes ago
- 4 min read
With a Quick Guide to Staying Cool When the Heat and Chaos Are Real
Late summer has been a blast! And by “blast” I mean that I feel like I've been shot out of a rocket into a fiery blind box of screen-time negotiations while searching for the mythical concept called "working-from-home"and surrendering to the never-ending cycle of cook-clean-cook. Thankfully, I can call upon the magical memories we made at Disneyworld in June, when I was a "good mom." LOL.
You may also have a "complicated" relationship with the end of August. Perhaps you anxiously anticipate the implementation of “bedtime” and potential protests. Or maybe you're gearing up emotionally for morning "Hawaiian-time" rituals. Ritual is used generously here; I mean taking excessive amounts of time getting ready for school, in hopes that my consternation will override my fear of truancy.
But, hang in there! Soon, you’ll resign from your dual roll of “Camp Director” and “iPad Timekeeper” while your angelic children safely and politely learn fun facts to “school” you with!
So until then, as we gear up for back-to-school mode, it’s common to feel your patience running on fumes. That’s where the Hot “Mom-ment” Reset comes in. I've created a five-step game plan (and a free download) for going from frazzled to fabulous without blowing your top. Because no one wants that.
1. Call Out the Thought
When you catch yourself thinking:
“I’m the worst mom ever!”
just because you raised your voice, pause. Identify the mental trap: black-or-white thinking, globalizing, or plain old “parent-shaming” yourself. Remember that thoughts aren't always truth. And that you are doing the best you can at this time.
Then, name the feeling when emotions flare. I like to pretend that I'm a sports commentator (I love Al Michaels) observing the scene. "Okay, I just yelled. Maybe I'm angry. And that makes sense. And I'm ok."
Fact: Neuroscience shows that putting words to feelings activates the rational, thinking part of your brain (the prefrontal cortex) and dials down the amygdala’s alarm bells. In other words, the moment you name it, you’ve already started to tame it.
2. Depersonalize & Reframe
Our brains develop in the “feelings first, logic later” order. Historically, being on high alert to signs of danger kept us alive. So when your child is melting down, they physically feel like the world is ending. It's not about you; it's biological.
To explain further, in moments of stress, our nervous system flips into fight-or-flight mode, flooding the body with stress hormones (like cortisol and adrenaline). This makes it physiologically impossible for us to access the prefrontal cortex, the “thinking brain” that handles logic, impulse control, and reasoning.
Instead, the amygdala (the “alarm system”) takes over, signaling danger even if the threat is just sharing a toy. Children have an even lower chance of using reason since that part of the brain is the last to develop and won't until around age 25. 25! Do you remember what you were doing at age 25? Thank goodness most of it wasn't documented on social media!
So next time this happens (and let's be honest, it will happen) say:
“Their brain and body is overwhelmed, and I am just the person to help bring them back to safety.”
They need you to show them that they are loved, even in uncomfortable moments. Shifting judgement to fact changes everything...especially your stress level.
Fact: Parents who recognize tantrums as a stress response, not a character flaw, can meet their child with calm instead of chaos. Neuroscience shows that this kind of attuned response helps a child’s nervous system return to balance more quickly and actually strengthens brain pathways for emotional regulation and growth over time. This benefits everyone!
3. Physically Release the Feeling
Tension loves to hang out in our bodies. Push it off the swing with 3 simple actions:
Take two steps back (bonus points for playful backward hops).
Try a “physiological sigh”: inhale twice through your nose, exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat as needed.
Place a hand on your heart and say: “I’m a good parent doing their best.”
Fact: Multiple studies support that
deep breathing
progressive muscle relaxation
gentle physical movements
and guided imagery
significantly increase both mental and physiological relaxation within minutes.
4. Zoom Out
Ask yourself: Will this matter in a year? In five? Your child will remember how you made them feel far more than anything. So ask yourself how important this issue/argument/activity is.
Fact: Stress skews perspective. When we step back and ask, “Will this matter later?”, we tap into emotional regulation and flexible thinking, key elements for resilient parenting and actions that we can be proud of.
5. Reconnect & Repair
Once you are calm, gently approach your child and say something like:
“I love you, no matter what. I’m sorry I raised my voice. It wasn’t your fault. Let’s figure out how I can make this right.”
Fact: Repair as soon as possible. Even if you can't find the perfect words, apologizing builds trust and emotional security. Further, acknowledging mistakes openly models emotional safety, deepens attachment, and nurtures mutual respect.
Truth bomb: Your kids aren’t expecting perfection. They’re learning how to navigate life from the way you own your moments...both the magical and the messy.
So here’s to closing out summer with fewer meltdowns (theirs and ours), and heading into the school year feeling cool, connected, and confident.
You’ve got this. And if you don’t? You’ve got snacks. And, now you have this printable that you can keep in your car, on the fridge, in the bathroom...wherever you might need it!
As always, thank you for doing this with me!
