Happy New Year! Here’s to Feeling Good in 2026 sans the Guilt!
- karly40
- 6 days ago
- 5 min read
Updated: 3 days ago
So often, the New Year launches a cycle of resolutions: checklists of “shoulds” that often turn into “Feel-Bad” February, or maybe that’s just me.
This year, let’s take a different path. Instead of asking “What should I change?”, let’s ask:
How do I want to feel at the end of 2026?
We may not remember each moment of the past year but we likely remember how we felt about it. What feeling do you want to hold about 2026 when you look back?
Meet the Versions of You That Already Know How to Be Happy
In 2020, as my life was "transitioning," I came up with a family motto for Maya, Rico, and myself: Cozy/Comfy/Happy/Free.
I even designed a t-shirt for it! (Yes, Mom... just like my sorority days... a t-shirt for every occasion!)
When I think about the times in my life when I’ve felt the most Cozy/Comfy/Happy/Free, I don’t think about achievements, titles, or checklists.
I think about versions of me:
Little Karly at school: happily helping teachers and classmates.
Vacation Mode Karly: unrushed and present.
China Karly: studying and practicing acupuncture while feeling curious, brave, alive.
Cruise Ship Karly: practicing acupuncture and teaching groups of passengers about the benefits of acupuncture; an expert in my field, expansive and free.
Party Host Karly: creating warmth, connection, and joy.
What I realized is this: I don’t need to become someone new this year.
I need to remember and embody the versions of me that already exist.
And the same is true for you. This is what “embodied leadership” is. Deciding who you want to be and leading your life with this identity.
Why This Matters (and Why It Works)
Research shows that lasting change doesn’t happen when we focus only on what we want to do. Rather, it happens when we shift who we believe we are. Our brains are constantly updating identity based on repeated experiences, emotions, and self-stories. This "data" forms our "personal reality" or what we commonly know as our "personality."
When we remember moments we felt most alive, most at ease, most ourselves, we are actually remembering identity states — versions of us that felt safe, purposeful, connected, and free.
Those versions aren’t gone. They’re not stuck in the past. They’re waiting for permission to shine forward.
A Gentle Invitation for This Year
Instead of asking:
“What should I change about myself?”
Try asking:
“Which version of me do I want to give more room to this year?”
Maybe it’s:
the version of you who feels helpful and connected
the version of you who savors life
the version of you who explores and learns
the version of you who creates cozy spaces and brings people together
You don’t need a full life overhaul. You need small, daily moments that say to your nervous system:
“This is who I am now.”
Reverse-Engineering Your Year to be The Real You
Instead of resolutions, start with your desired outcomes in emotional terms:
Peaceful: I want to look back with calm satisfaction.
Connected: I want relationships that feel meaningful.
Healthy: I want to feel physically vibrant and alive.
Free: I want to feel unburdened by pressure and full of choice.
Research shows that imagining vivid, emotionally resonant outcomes helps the brain orient toward those lived experiences.
So...Who Do You Want to Be This Year?
Psychological science suggests that change isn’t most effective when it’s just about behaviors like “exercise more” or “eat better.” Lasting change happens when habits are tied to identity — who you see yourself as.
So rather than:
“I want to go to the gym three times a week."
Swap it for:
“I want to be someone who naturally makes space for movement because it feels good and energizing.”
Identity-based intentions align with your self-image and values, which increases the likelihood that behaviors become sustainable parts of life rather than temporary tasks.
3 Mini Habits to Hack Your Identity Shift
I’m sharing three simple micro habits — not as rules to follow, but as gentle invitations. Research shows that lasting change happens when we choose small, doable actions that align with who we want to be, rather than forcing ourselves into rigid plans.
When habits are tiny and chosen (not assigned), they create safety in the nervous system and give the brain repeated evidence of identity shift.
You don’t need to do all of them. Simply choose one that feels easy and fun. Small, consistent moments are what quietly shape who we become.
1. Identity Language Check-In (30 seconds)
What to do: Once per day, complete this sentence (out loud or in your head):
“Today, I am someone who…”
Examples:
“…prioritizes rest without guilt.”
“…chooses what feels nourishing.”
“…moves through life calmly and confidently.”
“…creates cozy, safe spaces for myself.”
Why it works: Research shows that self-identity language (“I am someone who…”) is far more powerful than outcome language (“I want to…”).
The brain updates identity based on repeated self-statements, even when actions are small. You’re not proving the identity — you’re installing it, just like you would install new software.
2. One Vote for Your Future Self
What to do: Each day, take one tiny action that your future self would naturally do.
Examples:
Drink a glass of water first thing in the morning.
Step outside for 2 minutes.
Tidy one small surface.
Take 3 slow breaths before reacting.
Then take notice:
“That’s a "win" for the person I’m becoming.”
Why it works: Identity shifts through accumulated evidence to ourselves, not intensity. Even the smallest “vote” reinforces neural pathways tied to self-trust and consistency. Consistency changes identity.
I actually keep a note pad in my bathroom and jot these changes down and tape them to my mirror. In moments where I'm feeling emotionally low, I can quickly glance up and see my small "wins."
Evening Identity Reflection (1 question)
What to do: At the end of the day, ask:
“How did I live as my future self today — even briefly?”
No judgment. No fixing. Just noticing.
Why it works: Reflection consolidates learning in the brain. You’re teaching your nervous system to notice alignment, which increases the likelihood of repeating it.
What you notice, you reinforce.
Looking Back on 2026
Imagine yourself at the end of this year.
You may not remember every detail — but you remember how it felt.
You may remember feeling:
happy
free
healthy
present
authentically you
That’s the kind of year we’re reverse-engineering. We're creating the life that we want, step-by-tiny step through identity, intention, and self-compassion.
Here’s to letting the truest versions of you lead the way! Happy New Year!
