Happy Mother’s Day to all the many forms that “Mothers” come in!
Yesterday, Maya asked if she’ll be getting a Mother’s Day present. To clarify, I asked, “Oh, because you are a mommy to all of your stuffed animals?”
Welp...it looks like she'll be getting a gift, too!
I also remember taking my nephew to kindergarten while I was in town from college. His classmate once asked me, “Whose mommy are you?” I giggled and said, “Nobody’s mommy.” I never thought that I would be a mother; I was terrified of being a parent as I knew that it was a huge responsibility.
Fast-forward 18 years and the most important job that I have right now is raising my daughter. Just as I jumped into acupuncture school without realizing how demanding the program would be, I’ve been shocked by how difficult it has been to become a good parent.
And I don’t pretend to have all the answers. Thankfully, I love studying to become a better version of me. One simple thing that helps me is breathing. I know…this is so basic but I still struggle with it. I am a visual and kinesthetic learner so an easy way to start breathing deeply is to visualize “blowing bubbles.” If you want, you can do it with me now. No sticky liquid necessary!
Visualize a circular 3-inch bubble wand. Let’s make it golden in color. Why not? Dip it into a gilded dish of soapy water. Lift the bubble wand close to your mouth and slowly blow. Aim to create the biggest, most beautiful bubble possible, without it popping. Now repeat 3-6 times.
Feel a little better?
Good! Now onto some scripts that have helped me when I’m having parenting struggles. A lot of these ideas are from Dr. Becky Kennedy, author of “Good Inside”. And to be clear, I literally mean for you to say these phrases out loud, even if it’s a whisper. Our brains need repetition in order to integrate messages so that we can apply them.
“We are all doing our best and we are all good inside, no matter how many times we mess up. We are all doing our best. Each and every one of us.”
“My job is to keep my kid safe.” This includes keeping them emotionally and physically safe through appropriate boundaries, validation and empathy. Kids have the job of experiencing, exploring and learning.
“My kid is a good kid having a hard time.” Not a bad kid giving you a hard time. Kids brains aren’t developed yet so they physically aren’t able to regulate their emotions. This is our job. And wow, is it a big one! More on that in future newsletters but for now, blow some bubbles!
“I am also a good person having a hard time.”
“I can be a good parent and lose my cool and fix it.” There is always, always time to make repairs. Always. It’s never too late!
Thank you for doing this with me!
Auntie Lily, Maya & I "posing" in front of Lily's hubby's
Harley before going to the Lake Grove Cougar Night auction!